As people get older and begin to wax nostalgic about their past, and begin to look retrospectively at it, it's common for many of us to look back both longingly and critically at those bygone days. Some of our most memorable activities have been both worthwhile and fun, while others are a little more shameful and embarrassing when viewed through the prism of time. Sometimes those little pranks just didn't work out as planned, or someone totally misread your intentions. It's normal for there to be a few regrets especially when it involved friends or acquaintances we may have wronged either deliberately or consequentially. But since you can't turn back the hands of time and do it over, the next best thing you can do is to take responsibility those less than proud transgressions and attempt to make amends for all those little misdeeds you pulled as an immature youth. So to start the ball rolling, I'll take a stab at revisiting my CB radio past and offering up my regrets to the parties involved...... Some a little more tongue-in-cheek than others.
LIM: Tom, first off, I want to apologize for not completing that home-brewed amplifier that I was supposed to make for you. The strife surrounding this, I'm pretty sure, ended up killing a good friendship. I know that having "girlfriendus distractus" is a poor excuse for dragging my feet. But hey, I was 16, and hormones will do that. You might be interested to know that I eventually did finish enough of it, so that I was able to use it for a little while when I didn't have an amp. 20 years later, I left the remains in the attic of my old house when I moved. In any case, I'll gladly refund the $50 you invested in it, if we should ever meet up again. But no interest! Why not? Well I'm not the federal government you know.......
Ralph (N3VT): My Explorer post advisor in the 70's. Ralph was my first true "Elmer" and I learned a lot from him, unfortunately patience wasn't among those virtues. Even though, sadly, he passed away in 2004, I would like to ask his posthumous forgiveness for hounding him with endless questions relating to my incessant preoccupation with high power amps and the acquisition of such by any means necessary. Ralph had nearly unshakable patience with me, but I get the feeling that there were times when he would have loved to shove a dozen 6LQ6 tubes where the sun doesn't shine and send me packing.
The Civil Defense guys: Back in the mid 70's, when I was a member of Explorer post 621, we had to deal with some gruff, condescending guys who operated the CD station once every month for drills during our regular meeting time. I got tired of their arrogant attitudes, especially after I tried to make some helpful suggestions to minimize the interference they were getting, and having them turn around and treat me like some know-nothing street punk. So, in retaliation, I started screwing with them by doing little things to the radio equipment which would frustrate them. In hindsight, while it gave me some small bit of vengeful satisfaction at the time, it was a childish thing to do, so I'm sorry guys.....
My Tech School Class: I learned a great deal of stuff in electronics class and I got a chance to log some serious bench time. But I did take advantage of my position in class a few times. I regret that I spent the better part of one afternoon jamming the inter-office comms that the school administrators made on CB channel 15. I also regret helping myself to the bin full of SK-3048, and SK-3049 R.F. final transistors, and neglecting to return the SAMS manual for my Midland 13-885 (I still have it over 30 years later).
FCC: I want to extend a very special heart felt apology to our friends at the Federal Communications Commission. These guys have the thankless job of ruining CB'ers fun by reminding them of the rules they break at just about every turn. I'm sorry for all those times I never used my CB call sign, talked for longer than 5 minutes, ran way too much power, talked on channels I was not supposed to, and for occasionally talking further than the 150 mile limit. I also ask forgiveness for endlessly experimenting on and modifying my equipment, even when the sticker told me not to, and for likewise modifying other people's equipment (and making money doing it). I'm also sorry for generally treating the CB service as a "Ham-lite" hobby band. I suppose I should be thankful that our illustrious government overlords saw fit to cut your funding, or my radio experience might have ended up a far less fun and rewarding experience for me.
Locals On Other Channels: Next, I want to say I'm sorry to Zipper, Bedbug, Girv, Big Mike, Gunpowder, and MAYBE even Storm Queen (I'd have to be really in a humble mood for that), REACT stations, and anyone else who might have fallen victim to all the splatter my "Loud and Proud" Midland 13-885 used to dole out on the band on a regular basis. I was so caught up in the competition of trying to be the loudest on the channel, I didn't care who I might be affecting on other channels. I also didn't know nearly as much about AM modulation as I do now, and I really thought that 130% modulation sounded good. Big Mike gets a special mention for going through the trouble of borrowing a spectrum analyzer and then inviting me over to show me visually just how wide a "clipped" radio can be. It was a good demonstration, it's just a shame I wasn't a little more receptive then... Although some of you guys copped an attitude with me and, as a result, might have deserved some of the bleed in retaliation, but like they say, ignorance is no excuse and two wrongs don't make a right...........
The Channel 6 group: Channel 6 was one of a few channels where I made my home back in the mid 70's. They were a great family oriented group and I had a lot of fun there once I was accepted into the fold. But what is not so well known, and something I am not proud of, was that before I started talking to this group, I used to agitate them occasionally by dumping carriers and disguising my voice to bust stones. Mitch and I even went out in his car (I didn't have my own yet), with my Midland base, one night riding around agitating those people. Why would I do something like this? Boredom most likely, and as a payback for something insulting one of their people said to our group one day. Retrospectively, it really was a boneheaded thing to do, and I'm truly sorry. And by eventually forgiving me and accepting me into their group they proved to be far more mature than I was at the time.
St. Helena's Church: It is with an incredible amount of divine influence, that I pass along my regrets that my mobile interfered with your PA system during that Wednesday evening mass while I was watching our CB club play volleyball in the parking lot. My comments on the radio were a bit racy and a little off-color, and certainly not something that should have been heard by those elderly good Catholics who were in attendance, some of whom may have thought initially that they were being addressed by the man upstairs. I'm sure God has already forgiven me, and the embarrassment I've carried over the years (well, maybe not years..) from that incident was probably punishment enough.
Spook Patrol: These fine volunteer auxiliary fire police members donated their time each and every year to patrol the streets of our neighborhoods during "Mischief Night" and Halloween, keeping them safe from "juvenile delinquents" looking to soap windows, drape toilet paper in trees, and throw handfuls of pig corn at the houses of the people they didn't like. These underappreciated public servants did not deserve the false calls, interference, and heckling that I, and a few of my associates, would unleash on them during their "missions". Not to mention giving advance warning of their locations to my mischievous friends via walkie-talkie, so they could elude capture. And for all that I am truly sorry, although it was fun at the time.
The "Gay Guy" in King of Prussia: Ok, over 30 years have gone by but I get it now, you were bored at your night dispatch job and were using the CB to have a little fun between dispatch calls. The truckers on channel 19 were your captive audience, and boy did they get upset. But instead of sitting back, enjoying the comedy routine, and laughing along with you, I instead succumbed to the challenge of being the first to track down and "out" you, which overrode any sense I might've otherwise had to live and let live. Hopefully you didn't lose your job over that incident.
Green Dragon: Yea, you were a thorn in the backside to the guys on Channel 13 with your carriers and other attempts at interference to many of our conversations. Still, despite the fact that you were an arrogant SOB, I should not have mocked you, berated you, lampooned you, prank called your house, thrown those firecrackers, or shot that M-80 equipped rocket over your house (it did make a really loud bang though). Even the most grouchy curmudgeons deserve (some) respect....
Uncle Chuckie: I have to apologize for being a really bad friend. I mean after all those 16oz cans of Schmidt's beer you graciously offered me over the years, I really had some nerve getting married, and then putting the needs of my wife and our personal lives ahead of your need for on-the-spot CB repairs. What the heck was I thinking?
Neighbors: My neighbors (well, most of them anyway) deserve a heap of credit and my sincerest apologies for putting up with all the R.F. interference I may have sprayed into the air during my nearly 30 years of CB exploits at my residence in East Norriton. From questionably aligned radios, to power amplifiers, I must have made it really tough on those looking to enjoy their consumer electronics. To those of you who put up with all of my antics over the years and chose to remain silent, you deserve a big thank you. To those who looked at my ever growing antenna farm and worried that I might be a spy or government agent, I hope those fears didn't push any of you into therapy or to a lifetime addiction to medication. And no, I wasn't getting free HBO either. I never meant any of you any harm really. In fact, if I had never been informed of it, I would've never known there was a problem. But even so, I would have liked an invite to the alleged "Yea, he's finally gone!" party after I moved out though. And just to show there were no hard feelings, I would have brought the potato salad..........
Cordless phone users: Ok, I admit it. I had a devilish, mischievous side in my younger days (Hard to believe right?). I had a ton of fun messing with the heads of unsuspecting users of cordless phones when they first became the rage back in the early 80's. I hope all my experimenting didn't make anyone's phone bill shoot through the roof. To those two lonely women desperately looking for love, I hope I didn't give you a permanent case of paranoia. To Sal, 5 or 6 doors up the street, I'm sorry I didn't drop the dime on your wife for having phone sex with some guy she met at a party, while you were watching football blissfully unaware in the other room. And to the guy looking to sell his stash of dope, the cops aren't really coming........
Whew! I'm glad I got that off my chest. I feel a lot better now..................